It’s that time of year again, when my allergies are sorely put to the test. I am walking around all the time with dull sinus headaches and congestion and feeling generally crummy. You-know-what is in the air, and I just can’t tolerate very much of it.
No, I don’t mean pollen. I mean dumb movie remakes. Why do we need another version of The Amityville Horror? My sinuses are throbbing in protest.
Get ready for a summer full of dumb remakes. So far I have heard about House of Wax, The Longest Yard, War of the Worlds, The Bad News Bears (okay, that one’s Linklater, but still), The Pink Panther, and probably others that I would be happier not to know about.
I am also allergic to movies adapted from TV shows and I know I am going to be afflicted with a bout of those, including The Dukes of Hazzard (urrrrgh), Bewitched (it’s the Ephrons, but still), and even The Honeymooners.
Does anyone else notice that remakes of old movies and adaptations of old TV series provide filmmakers with an excellent excuse for showing women in stereotypical, subservient roles? I can’t wait for a summer of seeing women as housewives, bimbos in halters and shorty shorts, and gruesome horror-movie victims.
I don’t think the doctor is going to be able to prescribe anything to cure these allergies, sadly. I’m going to put an ice pack on my head and watch Holiday again. Someone come find me when a Terry Gilliam movie opens.
And don’t even talk to me about horrible sequels/prequels being released this summer, or I may require emergency care.
New movies in Austin this week:
The Amityville Horror—Horror films are back in style, which means that any remotely popular horror film from the past is being remade. What’s next, a remake of The Evil Dead? (I know. Shut up.)
The Animation Show 2005—Mike Judge presents this collection of animated shorts from Bill Plympton, Don Hertzfeldt, and others. I am looking forward to seeing this. (Hertzfeldt is speaking at my UT class next week, too.) I’ve already seen Hertzfeldt’s short “The Meaning of Life” at SXSW and it was very good.
Chrystal—Billy Bob Thornton stars in this odd-sounding little film about a man trying to reconcile with his terminally traumatized wife. It has Harry Dean Stanton in it, so you know it can’t be bad. Directed, written by, and also starring character actor Roy McKinnon (O Brother, Where Art Thou?).
Dear Frankie—I saw a trailer for this movie. A little boy believes his dad is a sailor who hasn’t been able to come home but sends him letters. The letters are actually being faked by his mom. When the boat she has pretended Dad is on actually appears in harbor, dramatic and emotional hijinks ensue. Find the trailer online, watch it, and save yourself two hours and some cash.
The Fearless Freaks—I saw this documentary at SXSW and I recommend it. I am so pleased that it is getting some theatrical release. Bradley Beesley, who has spent years living near Wayne Coyne and documenting the Flaming Lips, directed this lively film. I posted a short review during SXSW here.
Notable events/revivals in Austin:
Bollywood/Hollywood—Playing at Alamo Village on Tues. 4/19 as part of the Austin Film Society retrospective on recent Hindi films.
Bubblegum Music is the Naked Truth—Playing at Alamo Downtown on Monday 4/18. Documentary about bubblegum music, created by Alamo Drafthouse film programmers and the authors of a book with the same title.
Don—Playing at Alamo Downtown on Sat. 4/16 to kick off the Austin Film Society retrospective on recent Hindi films. Don is an action film from 1978. A four-course Indian dinner is available.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas—Playing at Alamo Downtown Thurs.-Sat. 4/21-23 as a tribute to the late Hunter S. Thompson. Terry Gilliam’s most recent completed film, by the way (until later this summer).
Game Over: Kasparov and the Machine—Playing at Alamo Downtown on Sun. 4/17. 2003 documentary uses the 1997 chess match between Garry Kasparov and Deep Blue to focus on chess competition and on IBM.
The Godfather—Playing at Alamo South on Mon. 3/18 with an accompanying meal, including wines from the Coppola winery.
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle—Playing at Alamo Lake Creek on, of course, Wed. 4/20 at, yes, 4:20 pm (as well as evening shows). Alamo is adding sliders and brownies to their menu, and will host a Twinkie-eating contest and trivia contests. I am almost tempted to go, except that we just saw this movie and once was really enough.
South Park: The Movie Sing-along—Playing at Alamo Downtown on Wed. 4/20. I love Alamo. Can y’all do a sing-along for The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie next?
At home, we have Spy Kids 2 to watch. I’m hoping we also get to the theater to see something, maybe The Animation Show.
I still have to finish reviews for the following movies: Raging Bull, Sin City, Bride and Prejudice, Maria Full of Grace, The Celluloid Closet, and But I’m a Cheerleader.